Postponing happiness

Once in a while, some events happen around me that make me feel really joyful. There are probably more than I can care to remember, but it only took me till recently to realise that I often numb most of the others in between.

It happened after a recent talk I gave about this blog (yes, people are interested to hear about Loving Monday Mornings *excited*) and how it relates to goal setting for the year. The staff at the place I gave the talk were all extra chirpy the following Monday when I swung by. They seemed really inspired and happy, and knowing that Loving Monday Mornings contributed to that just made me really joyful.

I was happy for 2 minutes, the real simple kind of happy. Smiling, at peace, feeling that all is good around me. And for some reason, I spotted it this time, as fast as the thought popped into my head:

“Better not be so happy. It will likely not last so you should tone it down a little, and leave some for later.”

What?!?!
What was the point of enjoying a moment, any moment, if you had to somehow carve a portion of it and leave it for later? What was so terrifying, the idea of scarcity? That there might be a limited amount of joy? And so it seems another usual reaction I had, just that I was somehow outside looking in again:

The need of postponing happiness to save some for later was equivalent to the scarcity mindset that there wasn’t happiness. As a result, I am not truly enjoying the moment, occasionally guilty and thereby, not happy as a result of postponing what I was trying to be – happy.

How long?
As far back as I can remember, and that is a long time to keep postponing something. It is draining, exhausting, and feels ironically, thoroughly miserable. How much had I short-changed myself along the way?

There comes a time when you get amazed at that very instant how far you have come – especially if it’s down the wrong path.

Now what?
I was still standing at the same spot, moments into my new realisation. The only thing that was left, was to stop postponing happiness. And then, to be happy now.

What if there is not enough and it “drains” out? Be happy now.
What if I get it wrong?
Be happy now.
What if I don’t know how?
Be happy now.

Being present in the moment. Being happy.
Being happy. Being present in the moment.

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